“Adversity introduces a man to himself.” – Albert Einstein
Before we begin this article, I want you to know it was a very difficult one to write. I felt lost in life and was searching for something. I laid it all out here, and writing about what I’ve been experiencing has been beneficial to me as well. My mind goes a million miles an hour and writing forces me to slow down and analyze things more. And to help break up the text I’ve sprinkled in a few teaser photos of what’s coming in the future.
Pain in the neck and back
If you remember I had a seizure back in the spring that resulted in some chest and back pain. It’s taken some time but I finally have a few answers. For an unknown reason, I am experiencing bone deterioration and have 4 compression fractures in my spine. I’ve gone through a whole litany of testing…..again. The nasty stuff like cancer has all been ruled out which was a huge relief to myself and my family. The downside is we have to wait for further tests to learn more about my bones and what’s going on there. And hopefully, a procedure shortly to fix my back. Don’t worry, this only slows me down, it does not stop me.
And here began my dilemma. Well, to be honest, at first I did as I always have done. I chose to not let this change or affect my life in any way. I continued doing all my normal activities with an added touch of delicacy, not because I hurt I continued to tell myself, but just to play it safe. I worked, I hiked, I took photos. I lived.
Now fast forward a few more weeks and I’ve been forced to face some deep fears of mine. For the most part, my pain is very tolerable. And I know this pain is temporary as we are in the process of getting the fractures repaired. However, as time has progressed my functionality has declined significantly.
Suddenly I realized that in a sense, this is the new reality for me. Sure this pain will hopefully be eliminated soon but there are quite likely going to be more breaks in the future. My adventurous lifestyle was suddenly looking to be in jeopardy if my body were to fall apart.
I began to wonder what I was going to do with my life and the goals I had set for myself. What should I do about this site I had just started? Will I ultimately lose enough mobility to get outdoors and if so how long until that happens? I have more questions now than before my diagnosis and answers are very slow in coming.
All these thoughts and questions got me into a horrible state of mind. Frustration, depression, and anger took center stage for a time. I’m usually quite laid back and easy going but for some reason, I was letting this one sink in good and deep. I suppose it’s probably the fear of the unknown. Fear of losing the ability to do what I love most. Fear of being a burden to those around me to the point I lose them. Not a great mindset to get into but I’m human.
The Silent Type
My cameras are my way of communicating with the world. I’m naturally a quiet observer of the world around me. I enjoy watching as life carries on around me. My cameras allow me to capture my perspective of the world and its inhabitants. My cameras give me a voice that can speak more eloquently than I could ever achieve through my words.
Another bend in the path
Right now I can barely lift my wildlife kit for any length of time but that hasn’t stopped me from shooting. And as soon as I’m fully able I will be out in the field as much as possible.
Wildlife and bird photography is and always will be my main passion. As long as I’m walking I will be out in the wilds pursuing wildlife and just enjoying the outdoors. I plan on continuing to write about my adventures and sharing my images but now I want to add more to the conversation.
What Am I Doing Now?
This is simple to answer now but it wasn’t for quite some time. I had an idea of what I wanted to do and it took a kick in the butt. And that kick was at a charity event photographing my wife’s band, Crooked Desert. During the performance I began wandering around, photographing all the people dancing and playing pool. I even photographed the bar staff as they worked. And not just people either. If I got interested in something I added it to my collection for further scrutiny at home.
A good friend Kris playing pool
At one point, a friend of my wife’s asked me what I was doing this for. I told her it was just for fun but she pushed a little harder. “No, I mean what are they for?” A legitimate question to which I didn’t have an answer for her. I stopped and went back to my table to think about it. I listened to Brooke sing and there the answer was right in front of me. I want to photograph life. I just want to wander around this world, camera in hand, smiling and shooting away. I also want to add new projects to my portfolio. And of course, share it all here with you!
I have no idea what is in store for me next, but I do know I’ll have my camera in hand, ready to capture the world.